Secret Dreams

Yearning for the warm sands,

Sitting in the cool sun,

Wet salt hitting my cheeks - 

For now I’ll settle

For sunny yellow on my toes. 

Today I realized how I haven’t been taking care of myself as I normally do. I mean, sure I don’t really work out as much as I should, I eat junk food all the time (I do love my fruits and veggies, though!). But I haven’t been indulging my body either.  I’m a huge fan of taking baths, good smelling soaps, exfoliating. I always feel so relaxed and refreshed afterwards, but I found that I haven’t taken the time to really do so for the longest time. 

So today I dug to the back of my shelf into my collection of lotions and sunscreens (I have a problem.. I know haha) and grabbed my favorite body scrub, lotions, body wash, body butter & treated myself to a mini spa! I used to use one sugar scub allll the time last summer and I just loved the way it smelled, I don’t remember when I stopped using it.

I feel so much better now, sort of like my old carefree self, but older and wiser (?) I remembered that I need to love and care for myself before I can mentally prepare myself for anything, so give yourself some sugar lovelies (figuratively and literally!) <3

—-

btw, I have no clue if the boys feel left out or jealous from this. HAhahaa Theres no loss in manliness when it comes to softer skin :D

I secretly wish

to steal a kiss,

in the rain of a summer’s day.

I’ll lean in with a smile,

tiptoe and pucker,

And give a smooch,

in the shadow

of a rainbow umbrella.

Today we went swimming without you. I’m very proud of that, you know? It was the same group, minus you and plus a few previous guests and two new additions. I think your boys missed you, but they had a good time among themselves as well. 

I guess since you didn’t come you were busy, or didn’t want to come, or wasn’t invited. I don’t really no since I didn’t handle the guest-list, but that’s alright with me. It’s probably better this way, since it’s always been hard for me to see you interacting with the other girls. 

You were probably still hung over and asleep from the party last night anyways. A couple of the people in the group went too, but it just set us back about an hour. They didn’t seem to have drank as much. 

Last night I had some trouble sleeping knowing you weren’t going. I still feel guilty, as I always do for everything. I worry that it’s my fault that you don’t want to go. I worry that you weren’t invited because my friends were looking out for me. I hate that I worry so much. 

I do think it’s suspicious though. You were only mentioned once. And only that girl has brought you up twice throughout the whole summer. It makes me uneasy when people sneak around me. 

Nonetheless, I got up this morning knowing you weren’t the one picking me up. You weren’t gonna be there to remind me what to pack. I still went, and I didn’t miss any items that I forgot. I think I’m doing well. 

I’m going away, across the globe,

I won’t see you for a while. 

Gimme a kiss and a hug,

I’ll see you in two weeks.

We’ll exchange emails and webcam,

I’ll bring back postcards and souvenirs.

I know you’ll miss me and I’ll miss you too,

But we’ll have fun apart. 

You pout and you hold my hands,

gently tugging my finger.

Sitting on the arm of the couch,

You pull me in close,

And squeeze my waist,

And I lovingly pet your head. 

The yellow sun wakes me up,

But I don’t mind and rise.

The cold wooden floor

sends shivers up my back,

So I sneak on slippers,

And creep down the stairs.

Outside there is hammering,

Some birds are chirping,

My mother is showering,

My sister is eating.

I wonder how I’ll spend the day,

Without a worry but with care,

I pour a bowl of cereal

With no milk, I start the day.

With the sun I rose to start the rice,

I’d take a shower and you’d arrive.

You stood behind me with wandering hands,

As I tried to concentrate on the stove.

Too shy I’d pretend not to notice,

But I never told you how much I liked it.  

By nine I’d be making rice balls,

Two each for the the ten of us.

With each I’d stuff a bit of fish,

Sprinkle some sesame and a wish

For our blissful time to last a little longer. 

Sleeping’s been tough since I got back to the city. It’s summer vacation and everyone’s supposed to unwind and relax, but all I get are sleepless nights, with baggy eyes and pimples to prove it. 

I stay up wondering what it will be like when we see each other again - I had pretty much thought it inevitable, but I’ve already lasted two weeks without a glimpse of you. I’ve meet up with some of our friends and have talked to them for hours, but no one’s mentioned a thing about you.

Sometimes I daydream that you come back. Every time you don’t apologize, you just stand there with your puppy eyes, you take my hand and wait without a word. Every time I take you back. 

Something must be wrong with my head. 

It’s that time of the year again,

When everyone falls in love.

Girls laugh until their stomachs hurt,

Guys watch us with those charming eyes.

Minds wander, wonder

What excitements lie ahead. 

People smile in the streets,

Everywhere I look and see,

Hearts falling in love.

I just want to float in water.

Let the waves carry me,

All my worries leaving my body,

Though my limbs and out

The tips of my fingers and hair.

I just want to foat in water,

Without a care in the world.

I still play that game from the summer

that I showed to you and we played together.

I named a character after you

and I dressed him up with a skirt and laughed.

I still play every so often,

but every time I look at him it hurts a little

and I remember the good memories. 

Today I laid down under the sun,

On top of the grass, and

between two good friends. 

The world is spinning with things to do,

But my mind is blank, 

My head is clear. 

I will lie here a little bit longer,

And talk about nothing

and of everything in the world. 

Let’s have brunch on a sunny afternoon,

Forget about work, forget about finals.

Let’s talk and laugh for an hour and a half,

Until we’re too full to act, too full to think.

Let’s get to know each other truly, 

Without acting or guessing.

Let’s be ourselves for today’s a good day. 

Summer days spent hiding

In my sun filled sweaty room,

We fed each other sour cold grapes,

Daring the number we can fit,

Forcing them into the other’s mouth.

Lying on my thin mattress

Without a care for the real world,

We lived, for a while,

Just the two of us.